Monday, January 9, 2017

due to the high amount of "snow days" we've had I needed a change of pace from chores and Disney for my kids.
play dough had been played.
books had been read.
cookies had been made.

then I decided to "bob ross + chill" with these kids.
and now, they're hooked.

we were watching him paint a winter landscape with a purple mountain and black trees with little white fluffs on them.
he made a quick decision to mix up some light blue and titanium white to create some highlights on the happy little evergreens.

he then said, in almost a whisper, as he gave life to these little evergreen trees living in his own wintery world...
"now don't lose the dark, the dark highlights the depth..."

and then my eyes got misty.

because that quietly spoken sentence resonated with me. but not just the me sitting on the couch with three girls sitting as close as possible to me...
but it resonated deep in my heart.

sometimes I want the dark to be gone.
I resent it.
I dwell on it.
I think, if only my past, my struggles, my fear, my frustration etc., would just be gone then I would be a better version of Courtney.

but if i'm paying attention to my misty eyes, and holding that moment in my hands....
I know that he's right.

the dark highlights the depth. our depth.

if all of the dark parts of me are gone.
i'm a shell of a human.
I don't have empathy.
I don't have depth.
I'm not a better version of myself, i'm not myself at all.


instead of resenting the parts about ourselves that we struggle with, or our fears...
how about we take care of them.
we acknowledge them, and allow them to highlight the depth of our very souls.
use them to reach others.
use them to become.

i'm not talking about letting our fears or letting the dark take over and rule our lives.
i'm talking about letting them highlight something in us that is there for a purpose.

that will look different for each of us.

for me, I looked at what comes second nature to me when i'm letting the dark rule.
I build walls.
I shut down.
I hide out.
I stop running. (literally, I stop running, and I love to run)

so then, I guess if i'm letting the dark highlight my depth, it will do the opposite...
i'll be open, and vulnerable.
i'll show up for others and myself.
I will run.

the dark is there for a purpose.
I think that it's a sacred way for God to reach us.
to give us a glimpse of the depth of our hearts and our souls.
to bring us to our knees.
to create a deepness in us that actually lifts us up, and lets us become what He created us to be.

bob ross is a wise man, a creative who recognizes the beauty in the shadows.
he brings to life a simple piece of canvas with those shadows...

i'm beginning to see how God, our Artist, brings me to life in the shadows as well.
it's in the shadows where I find Him.
where I feel His love in the purest form.

where he highlights the depth of me, and you.


  1. ❤️This. Oh the depths. Hate them. But they've certainly highlighted places deep inside me that have added to the beauty of my landscape and made me more.
    We've been Bob Rossing too-so funny.
    Thanks for your thoughts

  2. Thank you for this! I'm so glad I stumbled upon your Instagram and your blog. You have a gift of teaching and of words and I am so grateful you share with others! I feel uplifted and grateful as I have read a few of your posts. Keep doing what you're doing. It's working.

    1. thank YOU katrina for sharing and being here. i'm glad we stumbled into eachother.. :) it's the reason that I commune with others. so, thanks, for being that person for me today!


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